


This Is (Not) Phone Sex

by MangoMartini



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Crack, Dream Sex, Drift Side Effects, M/M, Multi, Phone Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 18:13:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1992810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MangoMartini/pseuds/MangoMartini
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Hermann wakes up in the middle of the night after a strange dream, he calls Newt looking for some comfort. That isn't what he gets. </p><p>Crack, so much crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is (Not) Phone Sex

**Author's Note:**

> I wish I could say I'm sorry for this, but I'm really, really not.

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST," Hermann yells, sitting up in bed. He is covered in sweat and a very angry frowny face. He is alone in his hotel room, trying to get some sleep the night before a big academic conference. He is giving the keynote speech, because hey he just helped save the world and that makes you a pretty big bad ass, obviously. 

He knew immediately it was all Newt’s fault. It always was. Everything is Newt’s fault forever. Well that and the fault of the drift, but then again that was Newt’s fault too. Fucking Newt, man. 

Hermann looks at the clock. It’s three hours later on the east coast, but he doesn’t care. It’s the third time this weekend he’s had this dream, and so he’s going to call his boyfriend. It takes two tries before Newt answers.

"Yo," Newt mumbles into the phone, "What the fuck? I was sleeping!"

"Well that makes one of us. I can’t sleep."

"Oh yeah? Why not?" Newt answers with a yawn. He’s quiet for a moment before he says, "Maybe if we have phone sex you will be able to sleep better. Let’s have phone sex. You woke me up for phone sex, right? Please say yes, please say yes. It’s four in the morning and I want phone sex. What are you wearing? Please say the parka."

If possible, Hermann would have punched him. But as technology has not progressed that far (yet), he could not. Hermann makes a mental note to work on that. He should punch Newt more often. “No. No phone sex. I am mad at you.”

"Wait, why?"

"Three times. Three fucking times! I have had this dream three fucking times!"

"Oh yeah?" Newt asks, sounding awake and interested. "Well, if we can’t have phone sex, why don’t you tell me about your dream. I mean, I’m already awake. What else am I going to do at four in the morning? Sleep?"

Hermann pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs into the phone. “Okay. Fine. I will tell you about it. It always starts the same way. I’m walking in downtown Tokyo. I don’t know how I know it’s Tokyo, but I do.”

"Okay," Newt says.

"And then, from behind, I hear someone shout, ‘GODZILLA.’"

"Wait wait, you the Japanese monster?" Newt sounds much more interested now. "Go on, go on."

"No Newton, the famous mathematician. Of course the monster! As I was saying," Hermann continues, annoyed, "Someone screams, and then I see Godzilla."

"Wait wait," Newt interrupts. "What are you wearing in the dream?"

Hermann wrinkles his nose. “I don’t see why it matters, but I had on jeans, I think? Maybe a black t shirt? I was more focused on Godzilla. You know, the giant monster right behind me. Much scarier than a mathematician.”

"Uhu, uhu." Hermann thinks he can hear the rustling of cloth over the phone, but he’s not sure. "So what is Godzilla wearing?"

Hermann frowns even more. “Newton, you know very well what Godzilla wears. Nothing.”

"That’s hot."

“Newton.”

"Uhu, yeah. Okay, sorry Herms. Please continue."

"As I was saying. Godzilla is right behind me. I don’t know why, but I don’t want to scream. I’m not panicking. I feel…good, even. Then, with a loud roar, Godzilla reaches down and—" Hermann stops, not wanting to continue. 

"And what, dude? What? I need to know. You know," Newt says, voice breathy, "For science."

"And he picks me up, alright? Godzilla picks me up in the middle of Tokyo."

There is a long pause.

"That’s it?" Newt asks. "He picks you up and then you wake up?"

"No." The answer comes out just a little too fast. "That’s not it, but that’s all I want to share."

"C’mon, man. That’s not very interesting. Tell me what happens next."

Even though he is alone, Hermann’s cheeks turn red. “If you must know, then Godzilla roars at me. But it’s quieter. Almost, sensual.”

"Uhu, uhu. And then?"

"He takes one of his talons, and strokes it down my back." Even though he and Newt have been sleeping together for a while now, Hermann is still embarrassed to say, well, anything like that. What a prude, right?

"And then?" Newt asks, voice demanding.

"And then Godzilla gives me a knowing look before he takes his talon and," and here, Hermann gets the words out as quickly as he can, "And he rips my clothes completely off."

"Even your shoes?"

"Yes, Newt. Even my shoes."

"Okay," Newt says, sounding like he is jogging. "So you’re naked and in Godzilla’s hand. What does he do to you next?"

Hermann continues without prompting, caught up in the vivid memories of his reoccurring dream. “Then he lowers me down, towards,” Hermann pauses, unsure of how to describe what he can so clearly see in his mind, “Towards his scaly sex. It is thick and erect and honestly I didn’t know how I didn’t notice it before. It is long and thick and covered in green scales, leaking at the tip, dripping down onto the street below.”

"That’s hot."

“Newton. As I was saying, he lowers me towards his linear reptilian length until I am lying down on top of it. Naked.”

"Uhu, yeah, what then?"

"And then Godzilla grasps me closer to his sex, moving me up and down his considerable length, despite the fact that there is neither any reproductive nor biologically appropriate reason that he may desire to do so. Also, at that point I realize that I, too, have an erection.

"Godzilla begins to move me slowly up and down his sex, and I feel each ridged scale massaging my tender flesh, and my erection becomes more pronounced. Godzilla roars once more, and I groan at the sound of it. Godzilla begins to move me faster, and I wrap my body around the inhuman sexual organ, wanting desperately to give Godzilla pleasure. I don’t know why."

Newt seems out of breath when he mutters, “Oh my God…zilla.”

Hermann ignores him, caught up in the memory. “Godzilla moves me faster and faster, until suddenly his movements stop. Godzilla’s body shudders, and I can feel his member pulsating under my naked, sweaty body. Then I look up, and he is coming all over the streets of Tokyo. The Mountain Dew colored come spurts over the cars and trees of the city street, bursting forth at such a velocity that it shatters windows. Then, I open my mouth and lick Godzilla’s member to taste his pleasure in my mouth.

"That’s when I come, bucking my hips onto Godzilla, and moaning out loud."

"Uh huh," Newt mutters quietly.

"He’s far too big to really feel it, of course…" Hermann murmurs, "But somehow I know that he has. I know that he senses it and I know that he knows the pleasure his pleasure has brought me. It makes him come harder and I learn that his green come tastes like Mountain Dew just as much as it looks like it, as some drips back down his length and into my open, moaning mouth. And that’s how I learned the secret recipe to Mountain Dew. Newton, you knew all along. How could you conceal this from the world? They’re all drinking monster come and nobody’s had any idea this entire time. Newton… this is wildly inappropriate."

Newt moans loudly, and Hermann recognizes the sound. 

"Newton, what was that? Have you been pleasuring yourself to this dream all along?"

Newt laughs, breathy, but laughing all the same. “Herms, that’s the wet dream that I’ve been having since I was fourteen, said in your voice. Of course I got off on it.”

"I hate you, you know."

"Just wait till you have the dream where you fuck Godzilla."

"I hate you."

"I love you too, Herms."


End file.
